So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
