Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
