Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
