Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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