Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
