drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
