Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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