At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
