I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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