Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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