id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i love accidental penises.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
