I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
