In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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