I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
