I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
