Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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