Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
