just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
