Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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