Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
