The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize