you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
