in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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