You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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