worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
