the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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