More tranny stories later!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
