All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
