Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
