i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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