do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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