your room smells of hookers.
And success
I need to stop coming to work sober
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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