If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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