dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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