How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
