lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hippo gnu deer
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
