Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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