So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
