I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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