HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
