Jerry, you need to find god
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
