dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
