If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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