My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
3 2 1 whiskey
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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