What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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