stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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