its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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