I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
