If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
then he tried to convert me to islam
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
