dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
