Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
