I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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