awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
