But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
