you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
