youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
