dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
