Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
