Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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