but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you would pick up someone in the library
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he just fucked me for my cheese..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
