just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
