can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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