I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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