Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
