its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
