these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
