Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
