wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
