I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
