remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
