so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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