i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
