Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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