you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
