Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
