yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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