I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize