I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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