Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
