just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
