How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
