Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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